Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23 (ESV)

I slid my phone across the table for my husband to see the screen. There was a job opening where I had worked prior to staying home with my daughter, and it was essentially the same position I had during that time.  I started looking for a job after writing the post  Living Like Leon. I was inspired by him, and I was still riding that wave. It was providential. I had to apply.

I made it through the first round of interviews, praying for God’s will the entire time. Then I got a call about setting up a second interview. From what I could tell, I was one of two final candidates. The door was swinging open wide, and I was all packed and ready to walk through it.

The day after my second interview, I looked out over the pond at a local park and fought back tears as I was told they decided to offer the position to the other candidate. He said I was just nudged out, and the decision was close. When you are on the receiving end of a call like this, it doesn’t matter how “close” it was. I could think only one thing. Why did the path seem so straight and clear if this was to be the outcome?

Many times in life, I have felt like I was standing at the end of a long hallway lined with closed doors. I would envision myself proceeding down the hall, reaching for each door, only to find them all locked.

We are told that when one door closes, God opens another. As true as I believe that to be, it is in the hallway that confusion sets in, filling us with doubt and causing us to question whether or not God has a purpose for us. We ask Him if He sees us, and if He cares at all. Don’t you see my empty bank account? Haven’t You promised to take care of your children? Will I ever find my way out of this desert?

As fear threatened to set in, I looked back at the last three years of my life. Then the last forty-two years of my life. Then all of recorded history. I saw a pattern of faithfulness and a perfect track record set by a perfect God. He is not in the business of giving us what we want so that we will be satisfied. Not when He knows there is much more that will fulfill us beyond what we could have possibly imagined. Even if it doesn’t look like we imagined.

He cannot fill us if we lack faith, and that is why I am writing this now. I do not know why it all seemed providential and perfect, only to fall to pieces at the eleventh hour. I do not know why I am at a complete loss about which path to pursue next. I do know that I must have faith and hope in a mighty God. I believe that it is not just hindsight that is 20/20. I believe that foresight can also be 20/20 in the sense that although the future has not yet been revealed,  we can trust  and have hope in the One who holds it.

It is this hope that can invigorate us and keep us pursuing His best for our lives. It is this hope that can allow us to feel secure in an insecure world. This isn’t like tossing a coin in a fountain and wishing for the best hope, this is I can do all things through God who strengthens me hope.

Life rarely looks like we want it to, or works out like we expect it to. The question is not whether or not disappointment will come, the question is where we will turn when it does.

This is why you must give it up sister.

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Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. – Colossians 3:23-24

I was crying for a man I really didn’t know. Though I had spoken with him several times, I knew nothing about him. Yet, I still cried. I read comment after comment about him on Facebook. Everyone wanted to know about funeral arrangements. How could he be a virtual stranger to so many, yet clearly his death was a blow to the local community?

Leon looked you right in the eye when he was speaking to you. He would slip a peppermint into your hand and chat you up as if you were the only person on the planet that meant anything to him. He did this for many people on a daily basis, and it was clear he meant every word. Then he would close your trunk, thank you for shopping at Kroger enabling him to have a job, tell you to have a blessed day, and shuffle back to the store.

A true servant’s heart. A man after God’s own heart.

Not too long ago, it became apparent that I need to go back to work. For the last three years, my husband has done an incredible job supporting our family by finding additional work to supplement our income while I was at home with our daughter.

The day Brian came home and told me that he would no longer be teaching a specific class that was critical in making ends meet, my heart plummeted. I had a different plan for my life. I had envisioned myself in ministry full-time, and my passion was for writing, and hopefully
in time, jetting across the globe with the privilege of telling others about Christ. If you are going to dream, why limit yourself?

I could see the toll it was taking on my husband to burn the candle at both ends, and asking him to sacrifice indefinitely was becoming a real challenge for him. He never complained, but I could see the old spark was gone.

So, I told God and everyone in my life that I would go back to work if that was His plan for me. I always left a caveat in there though. I told God and my family that I would go back to work, but I didn’t want to entertain the idea of full-time work because I never felt led to.

The problem with this little theory was that I was telling God I was willing to do whatever He wanted me to do…with certain exceptions. That is not full surrender, and in fact, it is an insult to Him, and equivalent to not surrendering at all.

Once this epiphany took full effect, I knew what I had to do. First, I had to quit waiting for God to open the doors of opportunity for me and make a move myself. Second, I had to apply for jobs both part and full-time, and let Him decide where to place me. Third, and most important, I had to be completely content with His choice.

You see, what Leon understood and many of us don’t seem to (myself included), is that you can glorify the Father wherever you are in life. If we refuse to do anything other than what we have dreamed about, we are missing the point, and quite frankly, rendering ourselves ineffective. Leon’s job was not glamorous or one that would bring him worldwide notoriety, but it was important. What we can imagine as the most significant job in the world is totally useless if the purpose isn’t to glorify Jesus.

I do not know what God has in store for me, but I do know that whatever path He chooses to lead me down, I am going to give it all for Him. In fact, I am excited about the possibilities. Wherever God has placed you, whatever you are doing, never compare or despair. Keep looking up and asking Him for wisdom and guidance. He will make your paths straight, and His will is for your good and His glory.

Just like Leon.