The day I turned 30, I thought I would never be happy again. Turning 30 meant saying goodbye to my youth and all the attention I desired from men. Attention from men I had no business desiring because I was a married woman.

It wasn’t until last week that the mystery of my attention seeking ways and misery over a lost youth was completely unlocked for me. I was miserable because I wasn’t who I thought I would be at 30, and I had not accomplished what I thought I would by 30.

What a lie.

When I started my tiny little home-based business, I tried to figure out how I was going to manage my time at home with my daughter and run it. I found out that it is not very difficult to run a home-based business and raise a child when you are not overwhelmed with clients.

When I started my blog, I eagerly refreshed the stats page several times a day on the days I posted, just waiting for my post to go viral. The only thing viral I have experienced since starting my blog gave me a runny nose.

Why?

Because I was doing all of it for the right One, but the wrong reason.

I was busy gauging success by my own standard of measurement and setting expectations I had no business setting. I had won the gold medal before the gun went off, just certain that my plan had to be God’s plan. Yes, God called me to start a blog, but the moment I started it, I took over and asked Him to sit in the back seat.

The greatest king Israel saw before Jesus was King David. He stumbled and failed God numerous times, but he had a heart for God. David was repentant when he sinned, and God blessed David for it.

In 1 Chronicles 21:1, Satan incited David to take a census. Satan tempted David and David fell for it, and 2 Samuel 24:1 tells us God allowed it. It wasn’t that counting the numbers of his vast army was something a king was never to do. In this case it was wrong because David was doing it out of pride. By counting the numbers, he was opening himself up to the wrong belief that his strength rested in his military power, instead of the One who was all powerful.

God allowed Satan to tempt David for the purpose of growth. At this point, David was at a crossroads. Take responsibility for his actions or make excuses. David took responsibility.

Over the course of a few days I had three people ask me the same question. “Are you doing this for you or God?” That’s a great question, and one I wasn’t sure I liked the answer to.

There will always be someone more intelligent, someone with more blog hits, someone with more money, or someone with more natural talent. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. God called me to be obedient. That’s it. The rest is up to Him.

So here’s the deal. I have never been dishonest on my blog. Everything I have written is as true as I know it to be. But I will not be doing any of it for the blog hits any more. I’m doing it for the Lord. He’s the one that matters.

There is a world full of hurting, lost and devastated people. There is a mighty God who holds the answer to the freedom we seek. You and I need to stop trying to please ourselves while merely trying to appease God. He knows our hearts.

Don’t count the numbers.